Wordless Wednesday ~Autumn Trail

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I Cried

I cried yesterday morning as I parked nearby the drug store. Again, another diagnosis with another test looming. I had a bit of a pity party feeling very sorry for myself. What has happened to me and my nose-diving health the past four years? Even before that with fibromyalgia I still had spit fire and a certain amount of vibrancy. Although I was in pain with this mystery illness, I learned how to get around at half throttle. This last blow got to me because my heart is possibly involved. I am still young yet oh so old. Sigh…

I have wanted to write to share about my journey since getting out of the hospital; however, on the other hand, I haven’t cared to write. A dilemma. I’ve been in a deeply reflective phase, and a rattle by death will do that to a person. I am trying to face my chronic illnesses with courage and grace. I do not want to grovel and whine as to why me. There is more to this than meets the eye or reason than I know, I feel this for sure. Either the illnesses are a part of my path or may well be my path.

“Sometimes a health crisis is one’s highest calling in life…” ~ Caroline Myss, Defy Gravity: Healing Beyond The Bounds Of Reason

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This Life Road Of Mine

There is a road before me. Another road. Metaphorically, yes. Physically, in a mist. The last road I traversed has crumbled behind me. The cathartic and mysterious energies hidden within me are connected with Soul and Source—Divine Spirit; although, this change has been in the making in the years of regeneration and transformation reveled in its progression. Many years and maybe many lifetimes. I stand alone now on this precipice. The empty space murmurs. I do not want to cling to the edge yet I do. My spirit is running ahead of me already flying in the empty space. Dare I leap? There is no there on this life road of mine.

I wonder at my blindness. Yes, I see what I think and perceive before me. There is more than my singular focus. Many times I have caught myself seeing, sensing and feeling there is something there but not yet fully materialized. It is like I catch a fleeting shadow or maybe, spirit. My heart catches. I wish I could express this in comprehensible words.

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Reality

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What is reality? How many realities do we face or ignore awake and asleep in dreamland? I wonder about realities awareness just in this life.

“When you face reality, give other realities you don’t know a chance to reach your mind.” -Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel